Tuesday, 17 November 2015

Is it rape if you enjoyed it?


First and foremost I would like to emphatically make it clear that I don’t condone, support any form of rape what so ever. It is a very shameful and disgusting act that deserves severe punishment
I have come to realize that traumatic events have entirely different effects on different genders (and in my case different society).
Growing up I was an extremely shy boy who couldn’t even say Hi back when a girl says Hi to me. That was about to change. We had these neighbors, a family of 4 girls. They were so beautiful and fair in complexion ( they were from the South-South). I had a huge crush on them which they all thought was cute and teased me about it with mock-fights amongst themselves on who was the ‘special one’. I was particularly fond of the eldest one and she adored me also. I always got special treatment from her which even her siblings were sometimes envious of….the little rewards I got for being a good boy. It was all innocent until the day she kissed me for passing my CommonEntrance exam and offered admission into 3 different schools.
I was on cloud 9 for weeks until I finally went to boarding house and came back on vacation.
Things weren’t the same between us again and she accused me of ‘changing towards her’. I tried to amend things by hanging out with her and taking stroles with her around the neighborhood where she boldly flaunted my as her boyfriend. I automatically became the Prince. All the. Egbons in the area started buying me gifts just to get her attention.
Yes, she was way older than me. I was just 11.
I started developing confidence and even girls my age began showing interest in me. When she noticed a girl flirting with me and my being oblivious she started teaching me how to deal with girls ‘Hands On’.
We ‘practiced’ a lot of things from smooching to giving head (both ways). We didn’t have actual intercourse until much later. By the time my mates were having their first kiss I was already far versed.
Everything ended when we moved away shaa!!!
My girlfriend says what my neighbor did was terrible as she believes it has turned me into a nymphomaniac. I on the other hand believe I owe everything I know today about pleasing a woman to her.
This whole argument started while we watched THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER and I criticized the effects such a thing had on the boy.
Was it RAPE since I was a conceding partner.



Malbak Oscar

posted from Bloggeroid

How to Recognize a Wack Nigerian Song



My being a Nigerian youth makes me an authority in identifying wack songs. So I write this article based on the experience I’ve garnered listening to the ‘junk’ which most Nigerian musicians churn out these days in the name of songs.

Here are 10 tips which will aid the average listener in identifying a wack song or ‘non hit wonder.’

1) ‘Girl Shake your asset/ukwu/bum bum/baka/ booty or, the way you they wine’

This phrase is self explanatory. So I’ll just go to the next

2) ‘Before dem they call me monkey’

Dear artiste, you probably look like a monkey, and people are just stating things the way they see it, don’t take it personal, don’t feel slighted and please don’t use it in a song. It’s plain monkeish.

3) ‘The girls now call me honey’

This goes hand in hand with ‘before they call me monkey’. Totally stupid phrase. So predictable also. Has been so overused no one can stand it anymore, please stop. No more abeg.

4) ‘Ibadi ni jo wa’

It’s like other parts of the body do not matter to our musicians. They all seem to focus on the butt. One can blame them though; God knew what he was doing when he created that part of the body. But someone needs to ask our artistes to focus on another part of the body. Ask us to dance with our elbows or something…

5) ‘Baby’

We can allow this since it is better than hoes or bitches. Some of us are getting tired of most musicians referring to every girl as ‘baby’ its no longer cool.

6) I can die for you

This is obviously a lie. After Jesus Christ, there is absolutely no human being that can die as a result of the romantic feelings he or she has for someone. This stated, I see no reason why this in should be included in any song.

7) I pop bottles/champagne/Moet/Hennessey e.t.c

There is this clip making the rounds of a wannabe music star shooting a video and one of the models ‘mistakenly’ popped a bottle of champagne that they were showcasing. The star’s reaction was priceless! As in, I’ve never laughed so hard in my life. The so called star immediately went ballistic! Accusing the model of trying to ruin him because apparently, he borrowed the bottles and he was supposed to return them untouched. Alas, some of our musicians are in the class of the star in the story above. If you can’t afford to pop the Hennessey you shamelessly mention in your songs, abeg leave that line out. It’s not by force.

8) I get money/mula/pepper/dollars/pounds

Sigh… Another obvious point. On to the next one.

9) All ma lay lay lay lay lay lay lay ladies

When the first musician used this phrase, it was kinda cool. But when every Tom Dick and Harry started infusing it in his or her song, it became un cool. Dear copy copy artiste, find your own phrase and stick with it.

10) Unnecessary rhyming

This is not a phrase per say, but when a musician rhymes likes this:

“My girl uses the best cream

So I had to reward her with ice cream

Then off we went to the stream

Living out our lives like it’s a dream”

What else can you do but judge the musician, the song, his record label and those affiliated with him as wack?

What other phrases do you think makes a song wack? Let us know in the comments section.

This article was written by Calliope. Calliope is an in the closet OAP, Media lover, Muse, Literature enthusiast, PR consultant and blogger.

posted from Bloggeroid

Tuesday, 7 April 2015

Warning-if you under 18 do not bother opening this post!

I’m Writing This Review From The Little I Remember of The Book. The Movie Didn’t Go Too Well For Me.
Lately, I have been seeing one disturbing quote circulated among guys.

“Every man needs a bit of Christian Grey in him.”

If the guys behind this are referring to Christian’s billionaire status, that is totally fine. In short, I should just end the post here.
On the other hand, ladies are fantasizing about having a boyfriend like Christian. A man that can give them expensive gifts, take them on shopping trips, fancy dinners, private jet rides, orgasms?

Ogbeni, here is why you need to snap out of your fantasy world!

Guys,

Anastasia was a virgin, she was na├»ve about sex, she experienced no pain or guilt when she lost her virginity and Christian was able to make her come multiple times during her first sexual encounter. Is this even possible? Can you guys see what I’m talking about? Unlike you and your girlfriend. . .
In one scene, she dreamt of Christian and came in her sleep, wow, just wow. This is something spiritual husbands in Nigeria can’t do.
Oh my God! Christian sucked her boob, and guess what, she came again. Jealous much? Would you be comfortable allowing a woman obsessed with 50 shades of grey breastfeed your baby? NO? I thought as much.
Oops, in page 1.., she came at the smell of the leather bed, the sound of his voice, and she probably came at distant thoughts of what she ate for breakfast. How many Nigerian ladies have such overly sensitive parts?
All Christian had to say everytime they had sex was, “Come for me Ana” and brmmmm, she was swimming in her ‘postcoital glow as the writer put it.
Have I also mentioned the sight of his pyjamas hanging loosely on his waist turns her on? Wait, do Nigerian men even wear pyjamas?
“He leans down and kisses me, his fingers still moving rhythmically inside me, his thumb circling and pressing. His other hand scoops my hair off my head and holds my head in place. His tongue mirrors the actions of his fingers, claiming me.” – Na so! Nigerian men that can hardly utter a sentence and play PS2 at the same time. This kind of multi-tasking is way out of their league oh.

LADIES,

Spankings are not fun. Don’t let this book fool you into thinking they are, because they are not. if any man dares beat me, i swear i will break bottle on his head. We don’t even have whips in Nigeria. We call it cane sister. How many Nigerian ladies out there will agree to allowing a man beat them without taking him to court or going to write a 5-page ‘chronicle of blog visitor on SDK blog?
If you have been duped by this book into thinking that rolling your eyes and biting your lips at a man gives him an erection, prepare to answer embarrassing questions like, “Honey,what is wrong with your eyes? Do you need new pairs of glasses?”, “Shebi the harmattan is drying your lips too?”
Christian was also turned on by pubic hair. If you have been duped into thinking keeping a sambisa forest down there is sexy, well, goodluck.
In one scene, they had Period sex, followed by a bath together? A bloody bath? Which Nigerian man would agree to open the door of his house to you when you’re on, talk more of . . . Eww… Tufiakwa.
Are you suddenly tempted to draw up contracts for existing suitors. Hard limits: must not cheat, or refuse to cuddle me. Soft limits: breakfast in bed and early morning texts would be nice, must take selfies with me every week. Please wake up! The only relationship contracts we have in reality are marriage certificates.
The dialogue in the book is hilarious and very unrealistic just incase you plan on changing your mode of communication with your spouse. “Ana, your ass needs training”,“I’ll agree to the fisting, but I’d really like to claim your ass, Anastasia”What does that even mean? LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Overall, it saddens me that this book has placed a lot of unrealistic pressure on men to satisfy women more frequently and thoroughly.
Anyway, since I have got nothing to do today. I’m going back to sleep with the expectations that I ‘come’ in my sleep. If Anastasia can then I can
Cheers to a beautiful week..

posted from Bloggeroid

Season of Natural Hair: Nse Ikpe Etim, Geneveive Nnaji and Yemi Alade show us how to rock it (Photos)


Singer Yemi Alade and actresses Genevieve Nnaji and Nse Ikpe Etim are currently rocking their natural hair.
We know it takes a lot of gut to join the #teamnaturalhair BUT these goddesses are braving it.
They slayin it & we lovin it!
See more photos below:





posted from Bloggeroid

We found where Patience Jonathan is hiding, following results of March 28 polls


Where is Dame Patience Jonathan? has been the questions running through the minds of Nigerians..
It appears that wife of the President, Patience Jonathan has suddenly taken a break from the public following her husband's defeat at the March 28 presidential polls.

According to reports by Punch, Patience Jonathan had hosted visitors at the President's official residence on Tuesday, the same day Jonathan hosted dignitaries who payed solidarity to him after conceding defeat to Muhammadu Buhari.

A former government official said that, “After meeting the President in the new Banquet Hall located within the premised of his office, I also visited the First Lady inside the President’s residence before leaving. She was in high spirit when I met her,”

But since this meeting, the President’s wife has not been seen in public.
She did not attend the Good Friday service held inside the Aso Villa Chapel neither did she show up for the Easter Sunday service.
The last time Patience Jonathan was spotted in public was on Saturday, March 28 at her polling unit in Otuoke, Bayelsa state, where she voted with her husband.

A Presidency source who pleaded anonymity said that Mrs. Jonathan had travelled to the United Kingdom to sort out some domestic issues. “She is in UK. She may use the opportunity of the trip to visit her children".

President’s wife would come back to the country.

posted from Bloggeroid

"May the wrath of God strike you all" Kunle Afolayan goes after Igbos who pirate movies


Nigerian actor cum producer Kunle Afolayan took to twitter (joining the trend of Oba of Lagos who threatened Igbos in Lagos) to vent his frustration and anger on Igbos who pirate Nigerian movies.
In his anger, the award winning producer evoked the wrath of God on Igbo pirates.
See tweets







posted from Bloggeroid

Thursday, 2 April 2015

"I'm obeying the Bible" Man with 40 children by 20 women says he won’t stop

Nawa ooo
Britain’s most feckless father has had 40 children by 20 different women, boasting: ‘God says go forth and multiply – I’ll never stop’.
According to Dailymail, Mike Holpin 56, from Monmouthshire, says he can only remember half their names and would not recognise some if he passed them in the street. The recovering alcoholic claims he tries to keep track of all his children – aged between three and 37 – by having their names tattooed across his back.
He admits he would not recognize many in the street and 16 were taken into care by social services because of his ‘drinking and womanising’.

Hear him:
‘In the Bible, God says go forth and multiply. I’m doing what God wants. I’m only 56. I’ll never stop [having children]. Never stop.
‘I’m as fertile as sin. I don’t believe in contraception and I love sex.
‘I’ve got so much love in me for my kids, it’s spilling over. I need them more than they need me to be honest. I can’t be without them.’

Due to my drinking and my womanising, most of my kids have gone through the care system,’ he said.
‘It makes me feel like s*** because they’ve suffered.They [social services] took them from me because I’m an alcoholic. I’m still an alcoholic – I just don’t practise it.’When they went into care, I made a promise that no matter how long it took, I will get my kids home. I miss all the fun we used to have so I guess getting them back, my life will be set. My life will be perfect’.

He also says he hopes his children will be able to forgive him, both for their upbringing in council care and for his lengthy reproductive career.
He said: ‘I can’t make up for what I’ve done. All I can do is be there for them now. I’ll keep fighting.’ According to Mr Holpin, his first sexual experience came aged nine but he did not have his first child until he got a job at a fairground in his late teens.



posted from Bloggeroid